CAN SOMEONE REALLY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER PERSON? OR IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION?

CAN SOMEONE REALLY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER PERSON? OR IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION?

We’ve all heard the love-struck confession:
"I’ve changed for you."
It sounds romantic. It sounds powerful. It sounds like the ultimate proof of love.

But here’s the truth nobody likes to talk about:
Most people don’t really change for someone else.
They adapt. They adjust. They edit their behavior to fit the moment. But at their core? The same blueprint still exists.


The Illusion of “Changing for You”

When someone changes “for” another person, it often falls into one of three categories:

1. Situational Conformity ;  They change to match the current emotional climate. If things are tense, they soften their edges. If you’re upset, they play nice. It’s survival mode, not transformation.


2. Masking for Approval ;  They hide the parts of themselves you don’t like, not because they’ve outgrown them, but because they know those traits put them at risk of losing you.


3. Short-Term Reform ;.They temporarily improve because emotions are high , guilt, fear of abandonment, infatuation. But as soon as the emotional wave settles, the old patterns quietly sneak back in.


Why Real Change Doesn’t Happen This Way

True change isn’t a costume you put on to keep someone happy. It’s not a mask you wear to pass someone’s “test.”
Real change hurts. It’s messy. It forces you to confront your ego, your habits, your comfort zones.
And most importantly it has to start from within, not from a plea or demand from someone else.

When people try to change solely for someone else:

They can’t sustain it because it’s not rooted in their own values.

They build resentment over time.

They relapse into old behaviors the moment the relationship dynamics shift.

The Catalyst vs. The Choice

Someone can be the reason you start to change. They can spark the thought: “I need to do better.”
But the fire that keeps it going? That’s your responsibility.

If you’re losing weight, quitting drinking, being more present, or controlling your temper just to keep someone , you’re not changing, you’re performing.
If you do it because you’ve looked in the mirror and said: “I’m tired of my own patterns. I can’t keep living like this.”  that’s transformation.


Here’s the Harsh Reality

Stop expecting people to “change for you.”
They won’t. Not in the way you think.
They might bend, they might twist, they might hold their tongue  but if it’s not coming from a deep, internal decision, it’s temporary.

The question isn’t: “Will they change for me?”
The real question is: “Are they willing to confront themselves, for themselves?”
Because if the answer is no, their love for you won’t override their love for their own comfort.


Final Truth

Change born from desperation to keep someone is fragile.
Change born from the desire to become a better version of yourself is unshakable.

So, no  people don’t really change for others.
They change because they finally decide to become someone new.
The best you can do is inspire them, but never forget:
The work is theirs, not yours.

With love,
Kassy Gold
🧡 "Life is a mystery. Life is a journey. Life is a marketplace. Life is a teacher."
🌍 http://ilovekassygold.blogspot.com
📲 Follow on Facebook Uloma Beatrice kassygold 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rivers State, Nigeria: A Land of Rich Tribes, Festivals, and Cultural Heritage

Image
Rivers State, Nigeria: A Land of Rich Tribes, Festivals, and Cultural Heritage Nestled in the heart of the Niger Delta, Rivers State is more than just an oil-rich hub; it is a vibrant cultural tapestry woven from the traditions, languages, and customs of its many indigenous tribes. From the rhythmic beats of traditional drums to the colorful masquerades that dance through the streets, every aspect of Rivers State's cultural heritage tells a story of resilience, community, and pride. This land, cradled by winding rivers and the vast Atlantic Ocean, is a place where history meets modernity, where ancient customs still shape the way of life, and where festivals serve as bridges connecting the past to the present. Join us on an immersive journey into the heart of Rivers State—a land of powerful kingdoms, captivating traditions, and celebrations that pulse with life. --- The Diverse Tribes of Rivers State Rivers State is home to more than ...
Read more

BENIN KINGDOM, NIGERIA: A TIMELESS JEWEL OF HISTORY, CULTURE, AND HERITAGE.

Image
Benin Kingdom, Nigeria: A Timeless Jewel of History, Culture, and Heritage The Benin Kingdom, located in present-day Edo State, Nigeria, is one of the most fascinating and historically rich regions in Africa. With its origins dating back over a thousand years, the kingdom stands as a testament to African ingenuity, resilience, and artistic mastery. From its remarkable bronze sculptures to its deep-rooted traditions, vibrant festivals, and delectable cuisine, Benin is a place that captivates the soul and transports visitors into a world where history and modernity blend seamlessly. If you are a lover of history, culture, and adventure, the Benin Kingdom is a destination that should be at the top of your list. Let’s take a journey through the grandeur of this ancient empire and explore the wonders that make it a truly unique place. --- A Brief History of the Benin Kingdom The history of the Benin Kingdom is one of power, creativity, and influence. Established arou...
Read more

Behind the Mask: Understanding the Narcissist, Their Version of Love, and the Fear That Drives Them

Image
Introduction: Narcissism is often misunderstood, oversimplified by labels and surface-level behavior. But to truly understand a narcissist is to step into a paradox — a being who craves love yet fears vulnerability, who seeks admiration yet wrestles with an inner void. While not all narcissists are the same, most display patterns that stem from a wounded core hidden behind a carefully curated mask. This blog delves deep into the emotional anatomy of narcissists — how they define love, what drives their actions, how they behave in relationships, and the fears they bury under layers of control, charm, and manipulation. --- What Love Means to a Narcissist: To a narcissist, love is not about connection — it is about possession, admiration, and validation. They often view love as something transactional. Instead of mutual respect and emotional intimacy, love is filtered through a lens of “What can you give me that sustains my fragile ego?” Conditional Affection: Narcissists may show intense...
Read more