WHO FATHER'S A FATHER THAT will NEVER FATHER?

WHO FATHER'S A FATHER THAT will NEVER FATHER?

Who fathers a father that will never father, but became a father anyway?

It’s a question that sounds like a tongue-twister, but behind its riddle lies a tragedy a tragedy of absence, cycles, and the heavy inheritance of emotional debt.

Let’s break it down.

A boy grows up without a father. Not just without the man, but without the role. Maybe the man was physically gone vanished into another city, another family, another life. Or maybe he was there in the same house, sitting in the same chair, but emotionally disconnected, unavailable, a stranger you couldn’t call “Dad” without it tasting like irony.

That boy grows into a man. And one day, he becomes a father.

But how do you father when fatherhood was never modeled for you?

Who taught you how to hold your child so they feel safe, not just physically but emotionally? Who taught you how to discipline without breaking their spirit? Who showed you how to love without withholding it as punishment?

The answer is simple: no one.

And yet the world still expects you to know.

The Cycle of the Fatherless Father

When a man grows up without an active father, he inherits silence instead of guidance, confusion instead of clarity, and emotional hunger instead of emotional wisdom.

The absence becomes a blueprint empty spaces where the instructions should have been.

And here’s the cruel irony:

Some men repeat the absence. Not because they are heartless, but because absence is the only language of fatherhood they’ve learned.

Others stay physically present but emotionally absent, thinking that paying bills and “providing” is enough. They don’t realize that children don’t just need a provider; they need a presence.

The Mask of the Provider

Many fatherless fathers hide behind the role of the provider.

They work hard. They pay for school fees. They buy food.

And they think, That’s enough. I’m doing what my father didn’t do.

But their children still feel the same emptiness they once felt. Because fatherhood isn’t just about putting food on the table it’s about sitting at that table, looking your child in the eyes, and making them feel like their existence matters.

The Truth We Don’t Like to Admit

A man who has never been fathered has two options:

1. Repeat the cycle of absence.

2. Break it painfully, intentionally, and with relentless self-awareness.

Breaking the cycle isn’t romantic. It’s messy. It means sitting with your wounds instead of hiding them. It means teaching yourself what no one taught you, even when it feels unnatural. It means letting your child see you apologize when you get it wrong because you will get it wrong.

Becoming the Father You Never Had

To the men reading this who never had a father understand this:

You can still be the father your father never was.

But you will need to father yourself first.

You must learn how to comfort, guide, protect, and nurture yourself before you can do it for someone else.

And that’s the raw truth no child should pay the price for your unhealed wounds.

The Hard Question

So, who fathers a father that will never father?

Sometimes no one. Sometimes life itself. Sometimes the man must decide to adopt himself, to mentor himself, to be the father to the child he once was.

Because if you don’t break the chain, you will pass it down gift-wrapped in neglect, tied with a ribbon of excuses.

And maybe, just maybe, fatherhood isn’t just about raising a child. Maybe it’s about raising yourself into the man you needed when you were small.

With love,

Kassy Gold

🧡 "Life is a mystery. Life is a journey. Life is a marketplace. Life is a teacher."

🌍 http://ilovekassygold.blogspot.com

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