BEHIND THE MASK: A NARCISSIST WITH YOU vs. WITH THEIR FRIENDS

BEHIND THE MASK: A NARCISSIST WITH YOU vs. WITH THEIR FRIENDS 

If you’ve ever been close to a narcissist, you know the dizzying duality of their character. It feels like living in two different worlds one where you are the target of their cruelty, and another where you watch them transform into someone unrecognizable in public.

It’s confusing. It’s maddening. It’s painful.

The Private Reality: You Become the Mirror They Shatter

When it’s just you and them, the mask slips. The person the world admires becomes the person who:

Criticizes you for the smallest mistakes things no one else would even notice.

Withdraws affection and makes you feel unwanted, like love is something you have to earn.

Plays mind games until you start doubting your own memory, your own worth, even your own sanity.

Belittles your achievements, dismissing milestones you worked hard for as if they meant nothing.

Acts cold, moody, and distant, leaving you constantly chasing their approval like a prize you’ll never fully win.

This is the part of them only you see. And that’s what makes it so isolating because to the world outside, they look nothing like this.

The Public Performance: A Perfect Mask

But in front of their friends, colleagues, or strangers? Suddenly, the entire script changes.

They turn into the life of the party, charming everyone with wit and charisma.

They shower others with compliments, the same kind they never give you.

They laugh loudly, act carefree, and brag about things they never once acknowledged in private.

They present themselves as kind, generous, supportive, and loving the very opposite of what you experience behind closed doors.

It’s a performance so convincing that even you start questioning yourself: “Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m imagining things. How can they be so wonderful to others and so cruel to me?”

The Truth: You’re Not Imagining It

Here’s the painful truth: You are not imagining it. What you’re experiencing is the split reality of narcissistic behavior.

With friends, they need an audience to maintain their “perfect” image.

With you, they no longer need to perform they can project their insecurities, anger, and emptiness onto you.

You get the shadow, while the world gets the spotlight version.

Why It Hurts So Deeply

The betrayal isn’t just in how they treat you. It’s in how effortlessly they convince everyone else that they are the opposite of what you know them to be. You end up silenced, doubting, carrying the pain alone because who would believe you?

But hear this clearly: the way they treat you in private is the truth. The mask is the lie.

The Power of Awareness

The first step in healing is recognizing the pattern. Once you see the duality, you can stop internalizing their abuse as your fault. You can stop excusing their cruelty just because others don’t see it. You can finally say: “I deserve to be treated with the same kindness they so freely give to strangers.”Because you do.

Moving Forward: Choosing Yourself

You cannot control whether they wear their mask in public. But you can choose not to ignore the version they show you in private. You can choose your peace, your truth, and your self-respect.

Remember:

You are not too sensitive.

You are not imagining things.

You are not unworthy of love.

You are simply seeing the parts of them others don’t. And that awareness is your power.

 Final Thought:

The narcissist’s mask may fool the world, but it cannot change your truth. You deserve love that is consistent, not conditional. You deserve to be celebrated in private, not just paraded in public. You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t require you to beg for scraps.

 Have you ever experienced this “two-faced” reality with someone? How did you handle it?

Your story could be the light someone else needs to finally see behind the mask.