ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS NOW, OR LIVE WITH HARD ANSWERS LATER.
It’s not romantic.
It’s not something you skim on a Sunday afternoon and repost with a heart emoji.
It’s a mirror.
And mirrors are uncomfortable when you stop posing.
“Ask the hard questions now, or live with hard answers later.”
That line alone should sober anyone who’s rushing toward marriage because of age, pressure, loneliness, lust, fear of starting over, or the need to be chosen.
Marriage does not fix people.
It reveals them.
1. Faith & Values
This is the foundation people love to mention and quietly ignore.
What does God actually mean to you on a random Tuesday?
Not when life is soft. Not when prayers are answered. But when obedience costs you something.
When Scripture says one thing and your emotions scream another, who wins?
Because if God is optional now, He will be invisible later especially when conflict, money, sex, children, and disappointment enter the room.
You can’t build a godly marriage on vibes.
You can’t outsource faith to church attendance.
And you cannot walk ahead of God and expect Him to bless what He didn’t authorize.
A shared belief in God is not enough.
Your submission to Him must align.
2. Money
Love doesn’t pay rent.
Prayer doesn’t cancel debt.
How you view money reveals your discipline, your fears, your generosity, and your impulse control.
Do you respect money or chase it?
Do you save or soothe emotions with spending?
Do you hide debt or confront it?
Do you give freely or only when it’s convenient?
Money isn’t just currency.
It’s values in motion.
Two people with different money mindsets aren’t “opposites attracting” they’re future arguments waiting for a due date.
3. Conflict
This is where childhood shows up uninvited.
When you’re angry, who do you become?
The silent punisher?
The loud destroyer?
The peacemaker who avoids truth to keep calm?
How were conflicts handled in your family growing up yelling, ignoring, praying it away, or pretending it never happened?
Because unless you unlearn, you will repeat.
Conflict isn’t the problem.
Your inability to handle it with maturity is.
Marriage requires communication, not competition.
Talking, not third-party gossip.
Resolution, not resentment.
4. Family & Boundaries
Marriage reorders loyalty and many people are not ready for that.
After marriage, who comes first your spouse or your family?
If the answer isn’t clear, your home will never be peaceful.
Boundaries are not disrespect.
They are protection.
What is non-negotiable for you?
Privacy? Respect? Decision-making?
Or will outside voices always have a vote in your marriage?
Love your family but don’t let them run your union.
5. Children & Parenting
Don’t wing this.
Children are not accessories.
Do you want children or just like the idea of them?
How many?
How will you discipline with wisdom or anger?
Education? Faith training? Emotional safety?
You can’t co-parent effectively if your visions clash.
Children feel inconsistency deeply.
They don’t need perfect parents just aligned ones.
6. Purpose & Direction
Love without direction becomes stagnant.
Where are you going in the next 5–10 years?
Not dreams direction.
Can you support your partner’s calling without competing, resenting, or feeling diminished?
Marriage is not about shrinking so the other can shine.
It’s about building a life where both callings are honored.
If one person is growing and the other is stuck, love will strain.
7. Sex, Intimacy & Expectations
This topic ruins marriages when avoided.
Can you communicate needs without shame, manipulation, or silence?
Do you understand faithfulness as more than not cheating?
Faithfulness is emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical.
Intimacy requires safety.
Safety requires honesty.
Honesty requires maturity.
Unspoken expectations turn into silent disappointments.
8. Healing & Emotional Health
Love doesn’t heal wounds you refuse to face.
What are you still carrying?
Rejection? Abandonment? Betrayal? Control?
Are you willing to heal or will you bleed on someone who didn’t cut you?
Unhealed pain doesn’t disappear in marriage.
It multiplies.
Your partner is not your therapist.
Healing is your responsibility.
9. Roles & Responsibilities
Someone must lead.
Someone must manage.
Someone must show up daily.
Who handles finances?
Who manages the home?
Who leads spiritually?
And why?
Culture? Conviction? Convenience?
Undefined roles breed frustration.
Clear agreements build peace.
10. Deal-Breakers
This is where honesty matters most.
What can you tolerate and what can you never accept?
Abuse? Disrespect? Infidelity? Addiction? Lack of accountability?
Love without standards is self-betrayal.
Know your limits before emotions blur them.
Final Truth
Marriage doesn’t reveal character it exposes it.
A broken relationship is painful.
A broken marriage is devastating.
This right now is the best time to talk.
Before rings.
Before vows.
Before lives are entangled.
Love deeply but think clearly.
Pray but also ask hard questions.
Because avoidance today becomes regret tomorrow.
This list isn’t meant to scare you.
It’s meant to save you.
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